New year post
Friday, January 2nd, 2026 11:01 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
1mpavidus Going to try to start using this place more in 2026, hopefully I'll be able to keep up with it 🙏
Sorry if this post winds up being a bit personal and depressing, I just haven't had much good in my head for a while and rather than trying to pretend through it I'm just going to ride it out and be honest about how I'm feeling. Given how the past few years have gone I wasn't sure I wanted to make it to 2026, but I'm here anyway and I'm trying my best to get through it. I've been struggling with personal issues and extremely severe PMDD that literally takes over my whole brain for half the month, leaving me exhausted, isolated, and suicidal. It takes so much out of me that the 2 weeks I do feel better are mostly spent trying to get back on my feet - and by the time I do, the whole process starts back over again. I'm at a really low moment right now. I've tried to seek out medical help, but doctors haven't been responsive and don't seem to know what to do to help.
I'm getting married this year, and I really want to be more excited for it. Right now, I'm just trying to survive day to day. I really, desperately want this to be a good year, it's just so hard to feel like that's even possible at the moment.
I do want to try to get back to writing soon, and hang out with people more. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can through everything, it's just been an incredibly difficult few years. Here's hoping 2026 is better, or that I can at least make it through this year too.
Sorry if this post winds up being a bit personal and depressing, I just haven't had much good in my head for a while and rather than trying to pretend through it I'm just going to ride it out and be honest about how I'm feeling. Given how the past few years have gone I wasn't sure I wanted to make it to 2026, but I'm here anyway and I'm trying my best to get through it. I've been struggling with personal issues and extremely severe PMDD that literally takes over my whole brain for half the month, leaving me exhausted, isolated, and suicidal. It takes so much out of me that the 2 weeks I do feel better are mostly spent trying to get back on my feet - and by the time I do, the whole process starts back over again. I'm at a really low moment right now. I've tried to seek out medical help, but doctors haven't been responsive and don't seem to know what to do to help.
I'm getting married this year, and I really want to be more excited for it. Right now, I'm just trying to survive day to day. I really, desperately want this to be a good year, it's just so hard to feel like that's even possible at the moment.
I do want to try to get back to writing soon, and hang out with people more. I'm trying to be as optimistic as I can through everything, it's just been an incredibly difficult few years. Here's hoping 2026 is better, or that I can at least make it through this year too.
no subject
Date: Friday, January 2nd, 2026 08:02 pm (UTC)I always wondered about that, with the PMDD and recovering from the effects of it before it just comes back again. I'm sorry that it's just been this endless cycle.
Hoping that this year will be kinder to you than the past few have been. Like you said, you're getting married this year! That's huge, and I'm so, so excited to come down there for your wedding.
no subject
Date: Saturday, January 3rd, 2026 04:55 pm (UTC)hoping 2026 treats you well! optimism can be difficult, but its well worth it imo
no subject
Date: Tuesday, January 20th, 2026 08:06 am (UTC)I know things have been rough for a long time, but thank you for making it to this year—I'm so happy to have you in it, and there are so many bright things ahead of you; and, I certainly want to see more new writing very, very badly 😭